Child Grooming: Stages & Behavior to Watch For

Child grooming occurs when an adult befriends a child in order to develop an emotional connection and trust, lowering the child’s inhibitions in order to perform sexual abuse. Grooming can extend to the child’s family, building a sense of confidence so that the family does not suspect the behavior and the child does not report it.

Most child sexual abuse occurs in the residence of the victim or perpetrator (84% for children ages 12 to 17). In most cases, through grooming, children develop a sense of trust in the perpetrator that lead them into their home. It can be difficult to identify grooming behaviors because they are often disguised as caring, loving actions that can seem normal in a different context, but this blog will help you identify the signs of grooming.

Stages of Child Grooming

Grooming is a manipulative technique that gradually lowers the child’s defenses over time, so it’s important to recognize its different stages:

Targeting the child: The adult finds and becomes fixated on the child. Grooming begins when the offender grants the child special privileges, like rides to sports practice.
Earning the child’s trust: The adult next begins to gather information about the child’s needs and desires, whether social, emotional, or financial. The adult tries to fulfill them to establish trust and a relationship built on favors.
Isolating the child: Once the child begins to trust the offender, they will try to create scenarios that provide one-on-one time to foster emotional bonds. This could include personal coaching, a trip, or an outing.
Sexualizing the relationship: Like the grooming itself, the offender will sexualize the relationship gradually. They may begin with subtle actions, like talking about explicit topics or sharing inappropriate or pornographic images. These may progress to physical actions, like swimming with the child or wrestling, before engaging in an explicit sexual assault.
Maintaining control: Once the abuse is initiated, the offender will try to sustain the abuse and its secret by emotionally manipulating the child. That manipulation might include threats of hurting the child or their parents or abandoning the support they’ve built the relationship on. Other abusers use their power to manipulate the child to believe that the actions aren’t wrong or won’t be believed.

Common Grooming Behaviors

While these stages of grooming are commonplace, there are other indications of abuse parents should be able to recognize, including:

Gift giving
Touching, hugging, and inappropriate physical contact
Offering assistance, whether social, emotional, or financial
Seeking online access to a child
Adults seeking a friendship with a child, rather than a more adult role, especially if he or she has other relationships that don’t seem age-appropriate
Adults with an inappropriate interest in a child’s sexual development
Pushing beyond the boundaries of a child’s comfort level with inappropriate jokes or games
Intimidation
Sharing sexually explicit material, like pictures or videos
Communicating with a child secretly and without parental knowledge

Protecting Your Child from Grooming

After reviewing these signs of child grooming, you may recognize these behaviors in some of the people in your life, but don’t automatically assume they are grooming your child. As we mentioned above, many of these behaviors may truly be supportive or loving gestures. Instead of using these signs as an indicator of guilt, use them to validate your intuition if you feel like something is wrong and to remain alert when new adults enter your child’s life.

If, however, you do identify these behaviors in a person who you feel might be crossing a line, you should take action. Rather than accuse them of anything inappropriate, you should “confront them with kindness.” This approach is simple: Communicate to the person the boundaries you have around your child and why (including the specific behavior they exhibited that was out of line). Then ask them to respect and support those boundaries.

If this person is innocent, they will apologize and respect your wishes for your child moving forward. On the other hand, if they are guilty of grooming your child, their behavior will likely stop. Once their behavior is recognized, perpetrators will stop grooming the child in order to protect themselves.

Whether a friend or family member exhibits all of these behaviors or just one, the most important thing is to trust your instincts and stay informed. Learn how to recognize these signs of grooming and maintain a close relationship with your child so that you’ll notice if their behavior changes. If you understand these behaviors, you can step in to protect your child if something goes wrong.

What to Do If You Suspect Child Sexual Abuse

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. This adage is particularly true when confronting child sexual abuse. If you suspect a child is being abused, your next step forward—who to talk to, how to help, whether to say anything—can feel incredibly difficult. But your greatest responsibility is to say something.

Whether you’re a parent, family member, teacher, coach, friend, religious leader, or babysitter, by speaking up and defending a child, you could be changing the course of their life for the better. The following offers some tips on how to talk to your child if you do suspect sexual abuse.

Talking to Your Child

It takes an incredible amount of courage for anyone to come forward with information about sexual assault, especially children. If your child tells you they’ve been sexually abused or they know a child who was abused, consider our suggestions below when determining how you may be able to help.

If you suspect abuse before your child comes forward, it’s a delicate situation to navigate. Addressing your fears about child sexual abuse may be your worst nightmare, but it’s important for trustworthy adults to step forward as advocates, especially when children are being taken advantage of.

As you begin a conversation around child sexual abuse, consider the following suggestions:

If your child has come forward, they are likely anxiously awaiting your reaction. Your first response might be panic, but you should try to stay calm and reassure them of your support. Thank your child for breaking their silence and let them know you’re on their side.
If you suspect abuse and want to have a conversation with your child, pick a time and place to do so where they’ll be comfortable. Try to be casual as you approach the topic, as being too serious may feel threatening.
As you continue the conversation, avoid leading questions (like “Did someone touch you in a private place?”) and instead offer them the time and space to tell their story uninterrupted and without judgment. Ask clear questions when the child naturally pauses in conversation.
Avoid judgment and blame, and reassure the child that they are not in trouble. Communicate that the child did nothing wrong, the abuser did, and they are too young to be blamed for adult actions. Be patient and allow the child to speak in their own time as they’re likely very frightened.
Immediately following this conversation, establish a safety plan. Eliminate any opportunities for the abuser to have unsupervised contact with the abuser and, if necessary, establish alternative care for the child.
Report the abuse. If the child’s parents aren’t involved, they should be your first contact. If the abuser is a family member, call the Virginia Department of Social Services CPS Hotline, open 24 hours a day, at (800) 552-7096. This is an important resource for reporting the crime regardless of the perpetrator. If the abuse involves an institutional employee, like a school, church, or other organization, you should also contact the leaders of that organization so that they can take internal steps to protect other children.
Ask for help. This is a terrifying time for your child, but it’s also a scary time to be their parent or caregiver. It’s hard to know which steps come next as you try to protect your child and ensure they move forward without negative consequences. As you consider how to navigate these uncharted waters, reach out to a trained counselor or call the Childhelp National Abuse Hotline at 800-422-4453.

When it’s time to think about seeking justice and protecting your rights and those of your child, consult a Virginia child sexual abuse attorney like those at Breit Biniazan regarding how to care for your child’s present and future. Our experienced childhood sexual abuse lawyers will work tirelessly to hold the abuser accountable while providing your family with the compassionate support you need to navigate these difficult times.

Families of 20 Former Patients at Cumberland Children’s Hospital in New Kent County File $127MM Civil Suit

Families of 20 Former Patients at Cumberland Children’s Hospital in New Kent County File $127-Million Civil Suit In Richmond Circuit Court Against the Treatment Center, Its Pennsylvania-Based Owner, its Medical Director and a Psychotherapist, Alleging Sexual Assault, Physical Abuse and Fraud

Victims Range in Age from 9-26 and Reside in 11 Different States; Attorneys for Claimants Contend Abuse Occurred Over at Least a 12-Year Period

A nine-count civil lawsuit, filed Tuesday in Richmond Circuit Court, contends that the former medical director at Cumberland Children’s Hospital in New Kent County, Virginia inappropriately touched the genitalia of young female patients, two as young as 12 years old, during routine medical exams and that employees and fellow patients physically struck and caused harm to other residents, resulting in long-term pain and suffering, PTSD, embarrassment, depression, sleep disorders, bodily injuries and more. The suit also alleges that the hospital and its owner, Universal Health Services (UHS), based in King of Prussia, PA, committed fraud by keeping patients at Cumberland beyond the time necessary for treatment in order to maximize revenue, ignored reports from patients, families and employees of the ongoing abuse and provided misleading information to parents to keep children in their custody.

Named in the lawsuit besides Cumberland Hospital for Children and Adolescents are UHS and two physicians, Herschel “Mickey” Harden, a psychotherapist, and Daniel N. Davidow, MD, a pediatrician and from 1996-2020, the medical director of the hospital, which advertises itself as a residential treatment center for youths, ages 2-22, with “co-occurring medical and behavioral diagnoses,” including brain injury, chronic illness and neurobehavioral issues.

The complaint further alleges that UHS and Cumberland had inadequate staff to oversee its operation and therefore failed to protect the health and safety of patients, twelve of whom suffered from “non-consensual and unwanted touching” by Dr. Davidow, who approved all admissions to the facility in his capacity as medical director. There are a total of 20 alleged victims of abuse identified in the suit.

The plaintiffs, whose names are identified only by initials in the lawsuit filed by attorneys Kevin Biniazan, Jeffrey Breit, and Justin Sheldon of the law firm of Breit Biniazan in Virginia Beach and Richmond, range in age today from 9-26. They live in Virginia, Florida, Arizona, North Carolina, Maryland, Delaware, Tennessee, New York, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, California and Alabama. The lawsuit notes Cumberland’s advertising that claims its employees are “competent, qualified, safe and attentive,” which “plaintiffs (families/foster parents) relied on…in making the determination to relinquish the care of their children to the Defendants.” The suit argues, however, that Cumberland misrepresented the quality of the care and the adequacy of staff.

“We have heard from children and parents that when no parent or other advocate was in the room, Dr. Davidow would say he needed to feel the female patients’ femoral pulse, located on their upper inner thighs, and he did so with the knowledge of some staff,” says attorney Kevin Biniazan. “Dr. Davidow would then place his hands beneath female patients’ undergarments and sexually abuse them by intentionally touching their intimate parts.” A graduate student working at Cumberland in 2017 told New Kent County Social Services that Dr. Davidow would also feel the girls’ pulses “under their breasts.”

“Our experts in pediatrics say checking a girl’s femoral pulse is completely unnecessary,” says Biniazan. “We were also told that Dr. Davidow only checked the pulses of male patients on their wrists.”

The lawsuit also alleges that roommates or other patients sexually abused younger and weaker plaintiffs after hours, at times coming into their rooms, “without intervention from staff” and “sexually abused and battered” them by “groping and fondling” their “intimate body parts.” When they “called out for help, staff did not respond.” There are also charges of a patient being scalded with hot water by an employee and of others being locked in rooms without access to toilet facilities and being forced to urinate into cups. “The Defendants operated an unsafe facility that subjected the patients, including the Plaintiffs, to constant threats to their basic safety, devoid of fundamental sanitation or humanity,” according to the 69-page complaint.

Cumberland Hospital is owned and operated by UHS, the largest facility-based behavioral health provider in the nation with its subsidiaries operating 349 centers in the United States, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands and United Kingdom. It had $11.3-billion in revenue in 2019 that produced net income of more than $819-million. UHS has nine treatment centers in Virginia, including ones in Petersburg, Virginia Beach, Staunton, Newport News, Norfolk, Portsmouth, Danville, Leesburg and the 110-bed facility in New Kent. 94 of those beds are authorized for acute care, 16 for residential behavioral treatment.

The plaintiffs contend that the defendants, including Mr. Harden and Dr. Davidow, maintained inadequate staffing to reduce costs and maximize profits, mirroring a company-wide trait. From 2006-2016, “facilities owned and operated by UHS were cited or investigated for inadequate staffing violations on approximately 90 occasions, including Cumberland Hospital on at least one occasion.” In addition, the suit says the doctors and staff at Cumberland were encouraged to keep patients admitted for as long as the hospital could receive payment, “even when inpatient care or residential treatment was no longer medically necessary or beneficial.”

The defendants also are accused of making “bed-to-bed” transfers from the treatment center to Cumberland’s adjacent acute care hospital to increase revenue and profits and pressuring staff to “make fraudulent and materially false statements in medical records to justify longer stays.” Those included providing deceptive information to state health authorities and attempting to furnish services to far more than the 16 residential patients that Cumberland is licensed to treat.

The suit, which accuses the defendants of assault and battery, negligence, false imprisonment, fraud, reckless disregard and violations of the Virginia Consumer Protection Act, seeks more than $127-million in punitive and compensatory damages for bodily injuries, physical pain and mental anguish, disfigurement, future lost earnings and medical expenses. The plaintiffs are requesting a jury trial.

“It is clear from the statements of our plaintiffs that Cumberland Hospital, UHS, Dr. Davidow and Mr. Harden placed profits over the health and safety of patients, robbed vulnerable young girls of their innocence and potentially harmed them psychologically for life,” says attorney Biniazan. “These defendants can never undue the harm they’ve caused to our clients, but this lawsuit seeks accountability and a financial recovery that we hope will, in some way, make up for what they’ve suffered. It also sends a message that these institutions and individuals, as well as owners and operators of similar facilities, are not exempt from legal responsibility.”

Father Shrader Accused of Clergy Sexual Abuse in Virginia

Child victims of clergy sexual abuse often remain quiet for decades. Many do not come forward as children for fear of public scrutiny and punishment. Catholic priests were powerbrokers in neighborhoods who held sway over public opinion and a family’s place within the church.

Even as adults, clergy abuse survivors stayed on the sidelines, weighing how the revelation of sexual assault by a priest would impact their families. What we know now is that the code of silence that priests relied upon to victimize our community’s children has been shattered. Recent reports indicate that the Diocese of Richmond Review Board deemed sexual abuse allegations against Father Dwight E. Shrader credible enough to warrant enhanced scrutiny and remove the priest from his role.

If you were sexually abused by Father Shrader or another member of the Diocese of Richmond cloth, consider coming forward to join the other victims. The determined attorneys at Breit Biniazan are ready to bring a sexual abuse lawsuit on your behalf and hold your perpetrator accountable.

What We Know About Father Dwight E. Shrader Sex Abuse Allegations

According to reports, Father Shrader was ordained in 1982 and removed from public ministry in 2003. During his 21 years in Virginia, he was shuffled through at least six parishes. We now recognize this as an early strategy by the Catholic church to cover up clergy abuse.

In May 2003, Father Shrader was accused of sex abuse by a 16-year-old in Virginia Beach. The claim was considered an isolated incident at the time. But the teen was reporting sex abuse that may have occurred when he was much younger. By the end of 2003, one woman and four men came forward, claiming some form of sexual assault by the priest. Four out of the five confirmed they were also minors when the sexual abuse occurred. The victims indicated that inappropriate contact had taken place and the priests pushed “sexually charged conversations” on them as children.

Bishop Walter F. Sullivan reportedly put Father Shrader on leave and requested that he undergo therapy. At the time, he was the sixth priest accused of sexual misconduct in the Diocese of Richmond alone.

It wasn’t until February 2019 that Father Shrader’s name officially appeared on the Diocese of Richmond’s list of clergy who were considered credibly accused of sex abuse of minors. He was later laicized before dying in 2012 at 56 years old. All told, 42 priests were listed at the time due to “a credible and substantiated allegation of sexual abuse against a minor.”

“To the victims and to all affected by the pain of sexual abuse, our response will always be about what we are doing, not simply what we have done,” Bishop Barry Knestout reportedly stated in a letter published with the sex abuse list. “We will seek not just to be healed but will always be seeking healing. We will seek not just to be reconciled but will always be seeking reconciliation.”

Known Locations of Clergy Abuse by Father Joseph Slowik

These are Virginia communities Father Shrader was reportedly placed:

Trusted Virginia Beach and Richmond Personal Injury Attorney Provides Clergy Abuse Consultations

As a law firm that brings highly sensitive lawsuits on behalf of clergy abuse victims, our team of compassionate and determined attorneys understands that community members have reservations about bringing a sexual abuse lawsuit. While we respect your privacy, we believe it’s also essential to hold priests accountable for the harm they have inflicted – for both personal healing and the healing of the community. It takes courage to take that power away from these abusers. At Breit Biniazan, a determined clergy abuse attorney will work with you every step of the way. We urge you to contact our firm for a confidential clergy abuse consultation today.

Clergy Abuse in Richmond: Father Thomas Sykes

Americans live in a country that demands justice when someone knowingly inflicts harm on another – especially a child. Yet one alleged child abuser maintained a position of authority in the Richmond community, serving in a parish even after he faced multiple allegations of sexual abuse against children.

When parents of a 16-year-old boy alleged Father Thomas Sykes had molested their son, the priest was transferred from the Diocese of Orlando (where the abuse occurred) to the Catholic Diocese of Richmond in 1976. More sexual abuse allegations against Father Sykes surfaced in 1987 by a man who reported that the priest abused both him and his brother. His brother died by suicide.

“As kids, we both sought guidance and counsel from Father Sykes as our trusted priest, and instead, he sexually abused us,” the victim’s statement reads. “My brother hanged himself from a tree in his front yard because he couldn’t cope with what Sykes did to us anymore.”

The Diocese of Orlando agreed to an out-of-court settlement with the man in 1994, but it later reneged on a promise to pay for ongoing psychological therapy. The victim filed a breach of contract lawsuit in 2011 in an effort to continue therapy to manage his trauma.

Yet it wasn’t until 2019 that Father Sykes’ name appeared on the Diocese of Richmond’s list of clergy who had been credibly accused of sex abuse of minors.

“The names were added after additional information was brought forward and a review was completed in consultation with the Diocesan Office of Safe Environment and the Diocesan Review Board,” according to an official Diocese statement.

Richmond Bishop Rev. Barry C. Knestout claimed that publishing the names of six molesters would “help bring about healing to those who have experienced abuse in the Church.” But the publication of his name as a sex offender occurred 17 years after Father Sykes’ death in 2002.

How many of Virginia’s youths were sexually assaulted remains unknown. Decades-old sexual abuse reports continue to be fielded and assessed. Where does that leave victims who have yet to come forward?

Known Locations of Clergy Abuse by Father Thomas Sykes

If You Are A Silent Victim, Contact a Richmond Clergy Abuse Attorney Today

Of the six names published as credible child molesters by the Catholic Diocese of Richmond, five are deceased and the other is unknown. Our only option is to bring the church into court with determined civil litigation. Suing the clergy is not about garnering large monetary settlements. It’s about exacting long-overdue justice. If you are among the thousands of silent victims, please call us for a confidential consultation.

Additional Resources

https://www.bishop-accountability.org/news/1987_12_31_Cannon_ChildAbuse.htm

https://www.bishop-accountability.org/news2011/07_08/2011_07_20_Pacheco_PriestSexabuse.htm

Father Joseph Slowik Under Investigation for Clergy Abuse in Richmond

The Catholic Diocese of Richmond released information that sexual assault allegations have recently been raised against four priests, including Father Joseph Slowik. The allegations date back to his days at St. Paul’s in Portsmouth, VA.

“While the alleged incidents are from the past, we recognize the pain is still a deep and present reality for victim-survivors of abuse and for their loved ones,” Bishop Barry C. Knestout wrote in a release. “We continue to pray for their healing and for their loved ones who support them.”

The Bishop’s acknowledgment comes nearly three decades after the earliest sex abuse claims were leveled against Father Slowik. But what victims know all too well is that the sex abuse inflicted on children tends to be shrouded in secrecy. If you are a silent victim of Father Slowik, the attorneys at Breit Biniazan are prepared to bring a sexual abuse lawsuit on your behalf and advocate for your case.

What We Know About Father Slowik Sex Abuse Allegations

After being ordained in 1979, Father Slowik served from 1979 to 2006 at three Virginia locations. These include St. John’s in Petersburg until 1985, St. Paul’s from 1985 to 1995, and the Church of Saint Therese in Gloucester from 1996 to 2006. After Saint Therese, he was removed from public ministry. His official priestly responsibilities, along with many others, are reportedly suspended.

“None of the accused priests are currently serving in active ministry, nor have they recently served in ministry for the diocese. The diocese has not reached any conclusions regarding these allegations; rather this statement serves to announce the beginning of its inquiry into the allegations,” according to a statement from the diocese.

Neither the age nor gender of those who may have been harmed during the 1990s has been released. It is not uncommon for the Catholic church to broker out-of-court settlements that enable clergy abuse as priests get transferred from community to community. Now that the Diocese of Richmond has the allegations officially under review, the church openly acknowledges that sex abuse may have been occurred.

Bishop Knestout pointed out that the priests cannot minister once clergy abuse accusations have been made. Yet Father Slowik has been sidelined since 2006 and only now are members of the community being alerted. Virginia’s pair of Catholic Dioceses have released the names of more than 50 priests who have had credible sex abuse claims made against them. There is reason to believe that many victims have yet to tell their stories.

Known Locations of Clergy Abuse by Father Joseph Slowik

St. John’s: Petersburg, VA (1979-1985)
St. Paul’s: Portsmouth, VA (1985-1995)
Church of Saint Therese: Gloucester, VA (1996-2006)

Clergy Abuse Victims Contact A Trusted Richmond Personal Injury Attorney

We are an experienced Virginia Beach and Richmond law firm that knows how to handle a sexual abuse lawsuit with compassion. You can expect to meet with a clergy abuse attorney who is empathetic to the pain and suffering of our community members.

If you were sexually assaulted by Father Slowik, please know that you can contact Breit Biniazan to schedule a confidential clergy abuse consultation today.

Sources

https://www.cbs19news.com/story/42224248/richmond-diocese-reviewing-sex-abuse-allegation-against-four-priests

https://www.13newsnow.com/article/news/local/mycity/norfolk/catholic-diocese-of-richmond-looks-into-child-sexual-abuse-allegations-against-4-priests-who-served-in-hampton-roads/291-803a319c-7dd7-4c86-bf75-d0c2cd9c1d8e